I feel like an imposter

Do you ever look at your life and think, how in the hell did I GET here??? How can this be my life? Seriously, I used to be cool. I was adventurous, I traveled and went to concerts and could dance in 4 inch heels all night long. Now I am a mom. But…it just doesn’t seem real sometimes. Like, this is my life? For real? It can’t be. I don’t think I belong here.

    im·pos·tor or im·pos·ter
    n. 
    One who engages in deception under an assumed name or identity.

Yup, that’s me! Imposter mom. Imposter grownup.

I smile around them and act normal but inside I know…I don’t belong here!

I’ve never felt comfortable in groups of other parents. Preschool parties, sports teams, birthday parties, any group activity full of 4 year olds really. I feel like all the other parents are looking at me thinking, “IMPOSTER!”

Why don’t I belong?  Maybe it’s because I never really pictured myself having kids. I became a mom by accident – a great, happy accident but an accident no less. Even though I love being a mom, sometimes I still can’t quite believe I am one!

The other parents all look and act waaayy more grownup than I feel. Even though they are about my age, they seem so mature. To start with, they are married. That just seems like a grownup thing to do that I’ve never been able to pull off. And they own homes and drive minivans and all kinds of other grownup stuff I just don’t do.

This week Boo Boo starts soccer and I just know some other mom there is going to see me and think, “she is soooo not a soccer mom. Imposter!”  And kindergarten. OMG. Soon I’m going to have to join the PTA and volunteer in the classroom. And go to back to school nights. And everyone is going to know. I DO NOT BELONG HERE.

 

Advertisements