Dealing with body issues is one of my least favorite things to talk about. I hate being stereotyped as one of “those” girls who talks constantly about dieting and needing to lose weight. But…the truth is, I do need to lose weight. 20 lbs would be a good start. 40 lbs would put my BMI back in the healthy range.
When I got pregnant with Boo Boo I weighed 130 lbs. I was the “ideal” weight for my height. I was somewhat careful with what I ate. I counted calories, I ate a lot of lean cuisine, etc. I didn’t work out. I HATED working out. I was lucky enough that if I noticed a few pounds creeping on I could just watch what I ate and cut back on calories and the weight would just fall off. So, I was thin, I had a somewhat flat stomach-but I wasn’t in shape by any means. And then came pregnancy. Pregnancy was rough for me in several ways.
To start, I left Boo Boo’s father and moved home from Germany (moving in with my parents.) I was depressed. My doctor started me on zoloft which helped the depression, but it was still a very difficult time for me, emotionally. I was lonely, confused about what was happening with my relationship, nervous about becoming a mother. I was also unemployed. The bigger my belly got, the more my job prospects diminished. So I spent a lot of time laying around the house, watching TV. And eating. I craved milkshakes and I indulged in them regularly. Mmmm, french fries dipped in a Frosty…heaven. I started developed Carpal Tunnel, Sciatica and restless leg syndrome. I was uncomfortable and by the end, just in pain. So, with all of this going on, by the time I weighed in at the hospital I was 180 lbs.
20 lbs was gone by the time I left the hospital. Another 10 fell off over the next couple weeks, probably from breastfeeding. (Did you know breastfeeding burns tons of calories?) My breastfeeding journey is for a different post but I’ll just sum up here by saying it didn’t work out for us. After 2 weeks I switched to formula. It was a very difficult decision and one I still question, so please, no judgement. That 10 lbs slowly crept back on and for the next couple years I stayed pretty consistent at 160. I was not happy with my weight or my body by any means, but I lacked the motivation and will-power to really do anything about it. I briefly joined weight watchers but didn’t stick with it.
Then, about a year and half ago, I got really depressed. I gained weight. Then I hurt my back. I gained more weight. I upped my Zoloft dosage. I gained more weight. At my last weigh in I was 178 lbs. So, I’ve realized that it’s time to DO something about my body. I complain about it. It hurts my self-esteem. I have back pain and heel spurs and all kinds of other health issues that are directly related to my weight gain. And dieting is not really working for me. One because I suck at dieting, and two because my body has changed over time and things have shifted and skin has stretched.
I started searching for that magic cure. You know, the one that lets me lose weight without really having to go on a diet or workout. In case you were wondering, that doesn’t really exist. I did try the It Works wraps. I see pictures posted on facebook all the time of the “miracle” results. Maybe I just didn’t do it correctly, but it definitely did not work for me. I also tried their fat fighter pills that you take with your meals. No results. And yes, I did also change my diet. I completely eliminated fast food, which I had been consuming way too much of. I almost completely eliminated sweets, baked goods, etc. I tried cutting out all artificial sweeteners. I even went cold turkey on my Coke Zero. Which, if you have ever met me, you know was an amazing feat. But, like so many addictions, it didn’t last. I’m back on the Coke Zero now. Despite these changes I really haven’t lost any weight. I was getting pretty discouraged. But, I still really, really want to lose this weight.
I’ve come to the realization that the weight is not going to come off without drastic changes. I am going to have to, gasp, work out.Did I mention I hate working out? Like, for real. I hate it. I have exercise induced asthma. I get hot flashes (side effect of the zoloft.) I’m super out of shape. Working out at home is not a good option for me because I’m lazy. I am. At least I know it and can admit it. I am not very self-motivated to do things I dislike, so I will usually quit 5 minutes in, if I even start. But, I don’t really like going to the gym either. I hate all the machines. I never know how to use them. And, because I’m still on my own, I tend to quit way too soon, before I’m actually doing any real work. I’ve done classes before. Aerobics is okay-except I’m super uncoordinated. I am always going the opposite direction from everyone else. I think Zumba sounds fun, but again with the coordination. I have done pilates in the past and really enjoy it but that is not going to burn off these pounds.
So, I am taking drastic measures. I just signed up for Soldier Fit this week. Soldier Fit is a boot camp style workout that is becoming extremely popular in my area. It is exactly what I need. A group setting, a hard-core workout, and lots of motivation. I went to my first class on Monday. I thought I was going to die. Like, for real. I had to leave the room twice because I thought I was going to puke. The first time I left, I was thinking, “I can do this. I’m not going to let them see me fail. I’m going to cool down and get back out there.” And I did. The second time I left, I was thinking, “I’m going to die. These people are insane. I’m never doing this again.” But I went back and watched the rest of the class and then joined back in for the cool down. And when it was over, I went and signed a year-long contract. I haven’t been back for my 2nd class yet because I can’t really walk yet. But I’m going back tomorrow. I’m going to try to take it a bit easier on myself so that I don’t need 4 days to recover this time. Because I really can’t walk yet.
It’s not going to happen overnight. But, I WILL lose this weight. And I WILL be SoldierFit.